Bentwaters – Shoot Day Five

To make up some time we split into two units and I take David to shoot the Ronnie BZG cage scene whilst Mike looks after pick ups with Richard. We make good headway but are constantly against the clock. Mike keeps pressing for urgency and, although he’s right, we are rushing and still dropping scenes.

Mike and I have a team talk by the gates to New Town at lunch and we are both stressed to breaking point. We’re miles behind schedule, we’ve dropped too many scenes along the way and I’m already considerably over budget. Everyone is stressed beyond belief through lack of sleep and food. This is a tipping point and I consider aborting the shoot.

I make an executive decision and assemble the remaining cast and crew.

Everyone has given too much to the project to give up now so it’s time for Plan B. Richard and Lee don’t look convinced but hang in there. Mike does another epic revision on the shooting schedule and between us we are convinced that it is still doable.

We start shooting again at 3pm and finish at sunset. It’s the final scene of the movie where the good guys take on the forces of evil. The army of the undead. The zombie horde.

The only problem is that our zombie horde is now down to ten. All the rest of our zombies have gone home, tired of sitting round doing nothing and not getting fed properly. I don’t blame them. I’d have done the same.

We shoot it anyway but I know in my heart it isn’t a good enough ending. Physically and emotionally drained I fall into a deep sleep as soon as my head hits the pillows. Surely it can’t get any worse.

9th April 2007

Bentwaters – Shoot Day Six

I’m woken up by Mikes flatulent version of Reveille. I sit in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee and watch the rest of the crew emerge from their rooms. There is noticeably a different mood in the camp. Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep and I’m hallucinating but I could have sworn that people are smiling and laughing.

Over breakfast we work through the day ahead. Between Richards razor like mind for stuff we haven’t covered and Mikes engineering of the script we’ve got a plan. We shoot on two locations – the hut and New Town.

To my astonishment we finish early and better still wrap with the zombie choir which has every one creased up laughing – a rare commodity on the shoot to date.

The evening is more relaxed and chilled than at any point. Andy is supplying me with an endless stream of fags and we eat properly in the evening.

The showers have been sorted and even Mikes arse seems to have stopped expelling noxious fumes. Everything is good in the world and I get my first decent nights sleep in a week.

10th April 2007

Bentwaters – Shoot Day Seven

Another good day. We split into two groups again. One unit covers the scenes shot at the hut and the other picks up shots in the limo. Both units do a great job, the footage is good and we seem to be functioning better as a team. Richard and David work well together to combine two separate scenes into one set up and we’re starting to claw back some time.

The original Number 48 sword wielding scene is binned. There are no Samurai swords on set even though we had two in the props room. Instead I not only despatch the Figure In Black character but invent the best weapon against zombies. A mattress. I like it a lot. It’s quick, it works and there’s no need to fill in endless health and safety forms relating to a flatulent sleep deprived actor brandishing a razor sharp katana. Job done.

We head off to K9, the holding pen for our captive zombies, to grab some pick ups before finishing off on the runway to shoot the limo heading off into the sunset. Richard is struggling without the proper equipment to keep the camera steady and I make a mental note that this may be a re shoot.

11th April 2007

Bentwaters – Shoot Day Eight

Our saviour at A14 Limousines lets us keep the limo overnight and we do pick ups first thing in the morning before shooting the big scene with BZG and Ronny. Lily has been on set for most of the week dreading this scene so we make it a closed set, much to the annoyance of Mike who was spotted dry humping a fir tree the night before.

The weather is still scorching hot. So much for the torrential rain and snow, Mr Bastardi! Ray is suffering from a mild case of sunstroke and is having to wear a rather fetching sun hat to prevent his brain from frying.

In the afternoon we head back to the hut for the Ronny and Dean meet and then back to the Hush House for some more pick ups. The pizzas go to the wrong air force base and we end up eating at 10.30pm. We push too far and tempers are frayed but we get the footage. Mike spends an hour and a half having prosthetics which won’t make the final cut…

Bruce wraps and goes. It seems strange without him..

12th April 2007

Bentwaters – Shoot Day Nine

We’re going to pull it off after all…

Mike’s schedule has taken a hell of a pounding but he’s worked out the order of the day and principle cast start to wrap one by one. Rez, Doug and Joe are all hugged profusely and then like Keyser Soze, they are gone…

Seb and Sophie are left and we head into the woods for their fight scene. I simplify the shoot by combining two scenes. The zombies hit their marks, drop their bollocks and we’re done. My emotions are as fucked as the budget but thanks to the enormous goodwill, belief and doggedness of everyone involved the shoot was over. Just another couple of days shooting the pub scene and that will be it.

I eventually arrive home around midnight and just about persuade my girlfriend fiancee not to leave me. I promise to never make another film again. ‘Just two more days left, darling, and it will all be over’ I tell her.

How wrong can a guy be?

The main shoot is two days away and I’m struggling. Struggling badly. I’ve concentrated so much on the producing that I haven’t got round to the basics of making the film. I haven’t finished the storyboards and I don’t even know where my script is…

Mike has been brilliant producing the call sheets but the more I look at the schedule, the more intimidating it looks. I must have been off my chump to ditch my original idea for a film. It had one main character, a handful of supporting cast and a local shoot. This is a fucking epic!

We’ll be making a short film every day and need just one day of bad weather and we’re fucked. The forecast says we’ll get at least four days of rain with the possibility of snow later in the week.

Ray rings me and suggests we leave with the van at 4am. We have to pick the stunt equipment up, get to Hanwell for the props, pick up our sound recordist Curzio in West London then pick Lee up from Croydon before heading off to Bentwaters.

The last time the van did over 50 miles was three years ago when it was being towed by Green Flag.

5th April 2007

4am at Rays and we head towards London. Everything goes OK until we get to Men at Work Props in Hanwell. The telephone box is massive and the guys there just laugh as we open the back of the van which is already packed with lighting gear, props, costumes, camera equipment and bedding for the barracks. Thankfully they take pity on us and somehow we fit it on board.

On the long drive up to Suffolk I start to realise I need more of everything – food, bedding, etc – and I can see the money pissing out of the budget. When we arrive on location at Bentwaters and I hand over the cheque, I feel like I’ve been physically winded. Not only that but I question whether anybody else’s missus would let their partner spend money like this.

The afternoon is serene and very peaceful. The weather’s warm as Lee, Ray and I sit out back of the barracks and relax. Up yours, Bastardi! My worries seem to vanish and I know I can do this…

Over the course of the next few hours we unpack the kit and everybody starts to turn up. David Beaumont appears like Dracula at midnight, the stunt team arrive and bed down. We’re all here and amazingly we have enough beds.

I share a 6ft by 6ft room with Mike and begin a week long flatulence competition. He wins.

6th April 2007

Bentwaters – Shoot Day Three (aka The Long Good Friday)

Probably the worse day of my life.

Good news is that everyone turns up, we have plenty of extras who have given up their Easter weekend to appear in the film and our make up team do a grand job in quick time and we have an army of zombies.

The bad news is that everything mechanical we touch turns to rat shit. The mechanical cherry picker we’ll be using for some of our crucial shots doesn’t work and the roller doors in the Hush House pack up half way through a take. This is a show stopper – it’s Mr Ree’s big entrance and we’re completely screwed.

Luckily Ray manages to find a way to open them manually but there’s already some tension in the air. I’ve assembled a completely new crew and none of us have worked together before so everyone is a bit unsure of how things will pan out. Despite Ali and Mikes warnings, I haven’t sorted the catering properly and there is discontent in the camp. I’m worrying too much about peripheral items instead of taking control and directing the film.

I get a call from the people renting the cottage to Seb, Sophie and Doug. They won’t let them stay because they thought I was staying there. Drive to the pub to meet the owners and placate them. We get the keys but this detour has cost us time.

We crack on with filming, desperately behind schedule, and I face another problem. The Figure In Black character isn’t working and Mike looks more like the Gay Caballero than Yul Brynner’s gunslinger from Westworld.

We finish at midnight. An unhappy camp. This was supposed to be the simplest day of the shoot to help ease us in.

7th April 2007

Bentwaters – Shoot Day Four

The second worst day of my life.

Slept for three hours. Got up at six brought Mike a cup of coffee. He worked through revising the call sheets and didn’t even grace the room with his flatulence. Shit. This must be serious.

The weather is glorious but will the extras be back? We treated them pretty badly yesterday but Ray has done an inspired job of wrangling and they start arriving at 7am. Once again, I am humbled by their dedication to the film. It takes a special kind of person to give up their holiday weekend to spend it running round a disused military base in Suffolk covered in latex and fake blood with nothing more than a curled up cheese sandwich as payment.

Today is the day of the big action scenes in New Town. We split into two units with the main camera crew working in New Town and the secondary team working with the stunt team. It’s early morning but there is already some friction regarding the time spent on the main shoot and the time allowed for stunts and prep.

We drop a shit load of scenes planned for the afternoon but get some great footage.

Food continues to be an issue despite the magnificent efforts of Ali and Lianne. I realise that I haven’t eaten anything for 24 hours.

Mike and I wrestle with the schedule. He has a plan and works on my laptop till the wee small hours. We can’t keep dropping scenes- the schedule is due to get busier.

The showers flood and the kitchen floor is under water.

Read Through – West London

Another one of those days that makes the trauma of independent filmmaking worthwhile.

The principle cast meet for the first time. Bruce, who we’ve now cast as Marky, can’t make the read through but the rest of the guys gel and the group dynamic shines through immediately. It never ceases to amaze me how a script suddenly comes alive at read throughs and how actors breathe life into their characters.

I show the footage of the Bentwaters locations to the cast and they’re all blown away and excited about the project so I figure it’s a good time to break the news that our potential backers weren’t going to take any part in the project as SNOTD was too “commercial”. When asked how the film was going to be funded I tell them that Ray is going to sell his body on the streets of Letchworth. This seems to pacify them and they all trot off home with happy smiles and a bag of doughnuts from Sainsburys.

17th February 2007

Mother In Law’s House Meppershall – Shoot Day Two

Technically not a son-in-law at this point and yet again Kevin and Marie come through and lend us their house to trash. We nearly totalled their garage and Kevins prize collection of classic cars when shooting Reco Men there last year so I’m on my best behaviour.

The Elaine (Jemma Lewis) and Mum (Eva Gray) scene goes well but kicks off three hours late due to the make up team getting lost. Richard Wood looks like he’s actually got avian flu and isn’t in the best shape. I work him to death anyway..

Zombie make up tests look good and Ray stamps his feet until we let him be made up first.

26 February 2007

My best chance of a substitute Mr Big bailed out because his wife said he couldn’t go (only she has rights to humiliate him). Put some feelers out and begging letters/emails and hope someone puts their hand up. While stood on a chair.

Send out the final lock down of the script to the production team. I call the file SNOTD ABSOLUTE LOCK DOWN using capital letters and everything so everyone knows there will be no changes to this version. None. This is it. The shooting script. Set in stone.

Mike writes back within half an hour with suggestions for a new draft including some gratuitous sex scenes and more lines for Number 48.

17th March 2007

Production meeting with Mike, Ray and Ali. I’ve printed out the provisional shot list as well as call sheets, prop lists, costume and make up breakdowns, accommodation details, lines of responsibility, stunt sequences, copies of insurance documentation, vehicle hire contracts, logistics and catering requirements for the shoot.

We’re going to need a bigger boat.

28th March 2007

Mike rings me up to tell me that according to Joe Bastardi we’re going to have torrential rains, possible snow and gale force winds for the shoot. He’s been checking the long range weather forecast for the last two weeks and it’s 99% certain that the shoot is going to be a disaster.

I tell him to stop being so negative, that God smiles on independent filmmakers and that we’ll find a way around it. We always do.

I put the phone down and start to cry.

With Christmas out of the way, it’s time to get back to work on the film. It’s another casting session followed by a production meeting with all the usual suspects.

The casting session goes well but we still haven’t found TC or Marky. This is getting a little bit worrying because we’re looking to start filming at Bentwaters in a little over 3 months. I look across the table at Ray and wonder whether the make up team have got enough latex to turn him into a bronzed Adonis.

The production meeting drags on as Ali and Mike gang up on me about stuff like catering, the lack of numbers on the production crew, accommodation issues for the cast and the health and safety risks of a stunt man hurling himself off a 100 foot tower attached to an elastic band. I respond to all their questions with quotes from my favourite movies. I don’t think they notice.

10th January 2007

Mike has suggested that we meet an actor who was in a film called Hardcore and who is currently on TV playing a character called the Gimp. I’m a little uneasy about this so suggest a location with multiple escape routes and have Ruislip police station on speed dial.

I needn’t worry. James G Fain is TC. He’s absolutely brilliant.

12th January 2007

Haven’t heard from Jeff R about playing Mr Ree. Speak to Mike about playing it Blofeld like and he gets all luvvy saying he can’t grow another 18 inches before the shoot. Will need to recast 48 and Figure in Black…

17th January 2007

Jeff Rudom writes. Loves the script wants to play Mr Ree.

Have to reimburse Mike for £11,000 worth of steroids and Spanish fly.

20th January 2007

Ali, Mike, Ray and Lianne head to the base and are wowed by the potential of the sets. It’s got just about everything and I pencil in the dates with Sarah for Easter when the BBC vacate from shooting Dog Borstal.

Budget is so tight I wonder if I can get everyone accommodated on the base, trouble is that there’s only one communal shower and it’s not exactly palatial and miles from civilisation

Audition Gavin Hatcher for the role of Marky in my car with Ray and Mike. We close all the windows to soften the background noise and within minutes it’s a little claustrophobic. A passing cyclist, spotting four men parked up in a lay by with steamed up windows and a video camera, reports us to the local constabulary for cottaging.

Gavin was good but too close to Seb in looks and build. Sure I can find a part for him. Maybe first stag?

21st January 2007

Houses of Parliament – Shoot Day One

We’re under strict instructions from Film London where we can shoot the newsreader back story i.e. “not on Parliament Green”. We check and the pavement is not green so we shoot Alison’s Channel 6 footage and have three posses of security and police approach us. I was prepared for all three of us to be promptly incarcerated under the “Prevention of Independent Film Maker Getting a Break in The UK” but to my amazement each deputation apologised for being in shot and left us to it…

This is it. There’s no turning back. We’ve started to make Stag Night of the Dead.

June 2006 – The Prologue (to be read in the style of Frankie Howerd’s Lurkio)

Just finished shooting RECO MEN and I have this new script. It’s do-able. One main character, small supporting cast, ideal locations that are local (and free) and I reckon we shoot it within four weeks. Better still with the pitiful budget I can scrape together I think we can pull it off. I’ve read every guide to making independent films and they all concur. Use what you’ve got and concentrate on preparation…

It all makes sense. An absolute no brainer…

The Prologue Part Two

Woke up and decided to make a post global pandemic zombie epic on a nuclear missile base..

9th November 2006

After months of writing, editing and re-editing, I bite the bullet and send out the first draft of the script to the usual suspects. Tom, Ray and Mike have worked on all of my previous short films so I trust their judgement and ask them to read through the script and give me constructive criticism.

11th November 2006

It’s been two days since I sent the draft of “Zomball” to Ray, Mike and Tom. No news.

They hate it, and are secretly plotting behind the scenes to cut all links with me and Hanlau Films. They’ve contacted Mid Beds Health Care to have me sectioned, I just know it. Any moment the men with the huge butterfly nets are going to break into my house.

But wait here’s an email from Kube (Ray – he’s Kube (Kubrick) I’m Alt (Altman).)

“ALT,

WOW!
Best script by miles!!Loved it! I could see the movie in my head and it was great! WE CAN DO THIS REAL JUSTICE!!!

WOW!”

It’s a ploy. He hates it really. Tom and Mike have told him to email me so I’m off guard when the loony men turn up.

12th November 2006

Fire up my Outlook and there are two emails. The first is from Tom. He talks about plot structure, character development and gives some great ideas on how to shoot the movie.

Mike is complaining about the lack of girl on girl action.

Everyone’s a critic.

I explain the plot to my dog, Marlowe. He likes it. Well I think he does. His little pink lipstick is out so I take that as a vote of confidence and plough on.

20th November 2006

Walk to shops to buy a sandwich and something’s nagging me. The title “Zomball”. It’s not strong enough, it doesn’t say “hey it’s a zombie film and you’ve got to buy yourself a copy before they’ve sold out”. Think, think, think. Have an epiphany on the zebra crossing on Victoria Road in Ruislip.

Discard “Look Right Then Left Then Right Again of the Dead” and punch the air Balboa style – “Stag Night of the Dead” it is…

21st November 2006

Have spent the last couple of weeks taking on board the feedback from everyone and make some changes to the script. Mike isn’t talking to me because I refused to include his idea of a lesbian shower scene.

Post a casting breakdown on a number of websites. Don’t know what sort of reaction I’ll get. Does anyone use these sites anymore?

Start work on the initial story boards.

Marlowe has still got his lipstick out. It’s been two weeks. Is that normal?

27th November 2006

Spent the weekend wading through all of the responses to my casting breakdown. The response was phenomenal and I’ve found some real diamonds in amongst a stack of loonies. I wonder why some people go to the trouble of replying when their only acting experience was in the school nativity play when they were 5. They played the donkey.

Call the vet re: lipstick situation.

2nd December 2006

The day starts with me running through the plans with Mike, Ray and Ali. I’ve done a recce of the location up in Suffolk and everyone is blown away by the photos. Well everyone apart from Mike who is still sulking.

In the afternoon we start the casting process and everything goes really well. As soon as Doug Grant walks through the door we know we’ve found our Gordon and Sebastian Street looks great as Dean.

Mike cheers up when we start auditioning for Candy.

Reminds me that I must get some more bromide powder for Marlowe.

13th December 2006

Spent some time with a script editor last week so I send out a revised version to the production team as well as sending a copy to Screen East in the hope that they might be able to give us some money.

Ray really likes the new draft and is very excited at the prospect of making a zombie movie. He’s a massive fan of the genre and this will be like a dream come true for him. Tom makes some valid suggestions regarding pacing and plot.

Mike just writes back with “Where are the naked women?”